Waves Of Nausea In The Sea Of My Indifference.

Throughout life you are faced with many decisions, judgements and events.  They basically are your life in fact, stitched together to form the finite period of your existence.  For example, you will meet people you think are wonderful, suited romantically, physically, mentally and other words ending in ‘Y’.  You’ll feel something in your very being, something saying ‘yes, this is the right thing, this will go very well indeed’.  Your skin will prickle, your throat will tighten and your gut will gurgle at you.  At other times you may go for a job that seems created just for you.  

The interview has gone bloody well, the work is just what you trained for, and the financial reimbursement is more than ample.  Your mouth will smile, your eyes will widen and your gut will gurgle at you.  Whenever there is a possibility that a good thing might happen, your silly, little mind will subconsciously decide if it’s likely to.  Your pathetic, self involved brain will weigh up the positive and negative outcomes and offer you a final reading – it will tell you what you think is going to happen.  And your gut will gurgle at you.

So, naturally, you listen to your gut.

Even when there are problems, when there are issues that will almost certainly get in the way – even when you have no real reason to expect things to pan out in your favour – your gut is still quite likely to tell you that everything will come up shiny.  This is evident in the assumption that you’ll get a date just because you got a number, that you’ll get a number because you got added on Facebook, and that you got added on Facebook for any reason other than it being easier to click accept and to then ignore you than to say, ‘no thanks, your very presence creates waves of nausea in the ocean of my indifference toward you’.  You’ll be aware of the insignificant statistical likelihood of you getting that job as well, that all the other applicants were prettier than you, that you told the truth and thusly are royally screwed.  But you know you could do it, and you really want it, so you convince yourself you’ll get it.  Or her.  Or whatever.

Basically, your own senses are lying to you.  Bastards.  They have no real reason to, they just get bored and crave attention, so they mess with you, allow you to get attached to things and people and scenarios that you will never have, be with or be a part of.  Double bastards.  I suppose you could argue that this awfully unfair confidence and unfounded self belief allows people to attempt things they otherwise wouldn’t, things that there is a small chance might work out, even though they probably won’t.  You could argue that, but don’t.  Chances are you only want to argue that because you misguidedly believe you have a point.  You don’t.  Stop it.  No, stop it.  That’s better.

The simple fact is that, essentially, you’re a bloody idiot.  Me too though, so it’s fine for me to tell you that, it’s not rude or anything.  Yes, so you’re an idiot, or at least your reliance on baser instincts is an idiot, and an idiot of quite bewildering proportions at that.  Allowing your gut to mutter nonsense into your head, nonsense that you then form into ideas, ideas constructed of bollocks – hewn from the very arsehole of a fantasy that’s really let itself go – are more trouble than they’re worth.  They cause more grief than they produce happiness.  

Your hopes go up, your soul soars.  You feel like everything will be alright and good and not like all the other times you were, retrospectively, quite obviously destined to fail.  You start to imagine a future that will never exist.  To conclude then, don’t listen to your gut.  It’s full of shit.