Blubbering Meat Mask Sanitises Vaguely Philosophical Conundrum - Self Isolation, Day 11.

I got the keys for my new house today. Yes, I've disinfected them. I'm now a homeowner, which is weird and cool and exciting and terrifying. Unfortunately, the builders have had to cancel and I can't actually move in yet, so that's bullshit. It's not the end of the world and, undoubtedly, many others are in a worse position than me at the moment, but it's fair to say I'm pretty pissed off. Upset even. I'd picked out the laminate flooring and the bathroom fittings and everything. The pile of little inconveniences that coronavirus brings is getting taller by the day, and that's before considering the world altering consequences of what's happening. If it changes anything long term, that is. What if it doesn't?! See, I'm spiraling. Frankly, it's getting quite difficult to achieve the relaxed, fantasy-as-reality mindset required to play computer games. I'm powering through because I'm basically a hero, but if gaming loses it's distracting qualities I'm going to have to dust. I mean, I may as well just die. My current house is a rental, and if I'm going to be moving out in a couple of months, it seems pointless cleaning it with conviction until I'm out. Like, why clean it twice, amirite?! 

House keys. These keys like like their music with a repetitive beat at a tempo of 120 to 130 bpm 

Once all this is over and I'm in my lovely new house, all done up and sparkly, I will be a very happy miserable person. The happiest, most ununhappy miserable person ever. Right now, I feel like if anything else pisses, or dry coughs, on my cornflakes, I'm going to flip-a-da-table. I'm gonna snap, man. Yes, it could be worse, but for the love of all that is even slightly aware of the sort of person I am, don't tell me that. I will immediately start to make a mental list of all of those worse things that could be and attach a rough percentage chance of them happening to me in immediate future. I'll accept that some are much more likely than others, but that won't stop me fretting over the most outlandish. Earthquakes happen and Lions are a thing, so stop looking at me like that.

'It could be worse' and 'other people have it worse than you' aren't helpful. Yes, yes it could, thanks for that sobering thought, and, Uh-huh, I know. Never in the history of Bad Things Happening has anyone looked at their blubbering, ungrateful meat mask in the mirror and thought, sure, I've had my heart crushed/my family exploded in a chocolate factory related incident/everything I do is a waste of my innate abilities, but you know what, in some parts of the world they can't afford to eat, children are forced into labour and there's no clean water so they probably can't even have Slush Puppies, and now I feel much better. Unless they're monsters. Everyone should have access to clean running Slush Puppies. The point is that we're all very much aware of the suffering in the world, with the possible exception of Piers Morgan, who I think has emotional blindness and sees the spectrum of pain as tactless tweet opportunities. We all - bar Piers - understand that pretty much every hurdle we jump is higher elsewhere, every barb through our dreams pointer and, um, barbier for others. For pretty much all others if you happen to be white and western. None of that lessens our own discomfort, because we actually have to exist in it, and that makes it more important than anyone elses.

That one on the left has blown it. Haha, blown it! No, not their left!

So, there you are. Things are fine but also totally rubbish. Better than other people's things, but then that's kinda moot on account of not being other people. No different to almost every single human on the planet, then. Which is.... heartening? Depressing? I'm not sure. You can't amazon answers to vaguely philosophical conundrums and if you could, should I be disinfecting them when they arrive? What's the use in standing a hundred yards down the pavement after you've knocked if you've had your grubby hands all over the parcel? Viruses don't play by your rules, Amazon delivery guy. What if I order hand sanitiser and when it pops through the letterbox it's covered in corona and I touch the package and get infected and OH MY GOD HAND SANITISER COULD KILL ME! I'm spiraling again. I should go. We'll talk in a day or two.

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