Previously, On 'Self Doubt And Introspection'.

It’s been months since I last blogged. It’s not that I’ve had nothing to say, or that I’ve absolutely not had the time, it’s more that I got so overwhelmed by how irrelevant my point of view is. On anything. Taking a break seemed necessary. Now, don’t think for a second that I was worried what you thought. No. I was bored of my own constant opinions on everything, and besides, there wasn’t all that much going on, and it felt forced and pointless to tap it onto a screen for all to gaze upon. But here we are again. Another return from another long break. You must all be so relieved. What have I been up to? Well, it’s very kind of you to wonder, and as you’ve been so good and are clearly desperate to know, I shall tell you:
I got a job I like. Let that sink in, because even a vague understanding of my past existence will inform that this is akin to a miracle. Like. Not just don’t totally despise. Like. I’d go so far as to say enjoy. It’s relatively early days but I’ve passed the probation and nobody has burst into tears or obviously avoided eye contact, so it seems like I’ll be ok. This isn’t a dream job or fantastically well paid, it’s not rocket science and I’m sure I will have days when I don’t want to go in. Currently, though, the fact that they do what they say they will and that everyone there seems to be a reasonable grown up is proving to be enough. Still not allowed to wear shorts when I deem it warm enough, but y’know, one step at a time.
I’ve started writing poems, as well as blogs and songs and scripts and lists of things I should be doing instead of writing lists. I have found this to be hugely pleasurable, educational and rewarding. There is a completely different rhythm to poetry, and a freedom from the rigid rhyming schemes and requirement that things scan well that song writing brings. It basically got me back into writing for fun again, after a lengthy period in which I was just going through motions in order to save face. A song to freshen the set, a dry business blog to pay for chips and rum. I’ve found that subjects I’d never feel right singing about, come across much better in poems, and that a new voice is required to fill the new boots. If voices had feet. So don’t be hugely surprised (read: this will happen) if a few of my ‘pieces’ end up on here. Might even video some because, often, I feel something gets lost when they’re just read.
I’m performing more. The band is coming along nicely, our original tracks seem to have a ‘sound’ and we’ve got a new bass player. It’s all working nicely, with scope to develop in interesting ways. Importantly, we’re all enjoying playing live, with a bunch of gigs under our collective belt and a desire to need to get really stretchy-waisted trousers instead. The recent possibility of collaborating with some other, somewhat different, musicians is ripe with potential, and I feel less of a twat holding a tambourine. Basically, all we need now is to stumble into a fashion or trend and for more than six people to come see us play, and we’ll pretty much be there. Oh, and I seriously need an effects box for my voice so that I can sound like B-Movie aliens or a kidnapper.
Finally – for now – I’ve become moderately politically engaged. A human person seems to have blundered his way into leading a political party and it’s really thrown the Slickbot3000’s off. So I’ve paid money and joined, and then paid more money in order to be allowed to vote for him as leader of the party. And I voted in the last locals. The world’s gone topsy-turvy. What’s great is, I don’t agree with quite everything that comes out of his scraggly face but he believes in all of it and doesn’t seem to bullshit and spin. I’m an idiot though. Like, I genuinely believe that you should vote for ideas you think are right and good, instead of those doing and saying anything to get into power. And I think that whether or not you wear a tie, can iron a shirt well or sing along to nonsense anthems about clumps of earth, as fairly fucking inconsequential. See: idiot.

That covers the major events. You won’t give a shit about any of it, but it’s been a while since I did this and I needed to ease myself in. Think of your beady eyes as a suspiciously steamy bath and this post as the cautious toe of a man who hasn’t bathed for a while. Or think of your brains, all digesting my thoughts and words – my inner self – and then judging me, as like a recently shotgunned zombie, twitching and writhing in a shower of its own life force, and this blog as the double tap of making sure it’s ok. Or don’t. Either way I’m infinitely more comfortable now than I was at the top of the page, which can mean but one thing. I’m back, baby. I’m back.

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