You
remember when you used to feel loads of emotions? Like,
sometimes all at the same time, and they’d come from interacting
with other people, or at least tangible, actual, real things? Do
you remember that? No? Maybe it’s just me then, but I
swear I used to emote more, more than I do now. Don’t know
what happened. There’s no way to pinpoint what it might be
that’s sapping my very ability to care about reality. Sad,
really. Television shows are good now though, aren’t they? I
mean really, very good. So good that maybe I don’t need
friends or family or hopes or dreams or to wash or go outside. Maybe
I should be worried about this development, but I just finished an
episode of Mr Robot so I’m all out of paranoia, concern and
confusion.
I’m
fairly sure it’s happening. Not scientifically, medically
sure, but still. Devoting huge chunks of my spare time to
working my way through box sets seems to be at least stifling my
empathy. I find myself zoning out when a conversation isn’t driving
the plot forward, I yawn at anything less than sensational. I’m
also currently self medicating one dose of binge eating whole seasons
on Netflix, with an additional weekly supplement of Amazon Prime. so
I’m getting lost-in-world intensity and suspense-of-delay
appreciation, all in one heady hit. It’s a wonder I make it to the
keyboard at all, to be honest.
It
is possible that I’m just imagining this new Modern Human Disease.
It’s possible that the reason I well up when a major character dies
and leaves a sick child behind, yet blink dry, crusty blinks when
reading about real world tragedy, is that there’s a stirring
soundtrack and heart-string twanging scripted dialogue in one, and
too much death, pain and misery for my tiny, meaty brain to
comprehend in the other. Mostly just the music though, probably.
Also, unless I’m very much mistaken, there is a marked difference
in number of highly explosive items, which I find to be hugely
disappointing. We’re going to entirely rule out the possibility
that I’m an emotionless, sociopathic sort because, well, because
I’m typing this and so here I control your reality.
Right,
that’s your lot for today because I’m tired and I’ve just got
back from band practice and these episodes aren’t going to watch
themselves. I’ll reach further tomorrow, really feel the burn.
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