Difficulty Levels? More like Difficunty Levels.

It’s another guest blog everyone. This time our new author goes by Mikicface. So sit back, relax and bask in the strangely spelt world he inhabits. It’s funny and that.

So we all like to play videyogarmes once in a while (or all the time) don’t we? They are totally awesome and fun and some look incredible and it is ace. Even a huge portion of wimminz are doing it now, which makes them totally hot. So what’s my problem then, I don’t hear you ask, but the point of this blog is to tell you anyway so I will! Well, as the title suggests, it’s the difficulty levels. They are wrong. Stupid. Cunty if I may be so bold.
Now difficultness is a very important part of videogames. If there is no challenge, then it is not gaming, it is simply winning (like what Chuck Norris would apparently do or whatever) and I for one don’t wanna just walk through a game and see the end, I want to earn the privilege. So this is why games have a certain level of challenge and in theory, it works. If you are crappy bom bappy at games, pop it on ‘easy’ and you will go from blunder to ridiculous, uncoordinated blunder until you win. Which you will do. Cos it’s easy. If you are slightly better, the default ‘normal’ mode will suffice all up in your face.
But then dear o dear, then, you get me. A bit of an expert at games, but not one of those ones who just want to rub their expertness in your goddamn grill and preside in the perpetual greatdom, no. I am very good but still want a challenge. To be tested. There are many like me, and we put our games on ‘veteran’, ‘insane’ or simply, ‘you will not survive’ mode.
Pour exampler, Halo. Love a bit of Halo, but the ‘legendary’ mode is infuriating. I am supposed to be a super-incredible, bad-ass space marine who is quicker, stronger, tougher and jump higherer than any other. I am superman in an armoured suit. The Daddio if you will. Yet on legendary mode, I am suddenly made of straw. I am a straw man with a polystyrene helmet and some boots made of glass. Two hits and my shield is all booboobooboobooboo, another two and my health is down to the last red square. Im a pussy. The Masterqueef. Pathetic. And this goes for most FPS titles. Call of Duty? You spend all day hiding behind a wall until your health regenerates, then kill one dude before going back to your plaster zion. Its shit.
Now I have completed these games on those difficulty levels. I can do it, but it wasn’t fun. Its what I would be like in an actual real life war; a cowering simpleton who has a poo in his briefs. I don’t play games to be me now do I? So why not just make more bad guys? Sure, make them tougher, but don’t then make the player out of marshmallows. I still wanna be superhuman and bad ass, so overwhelm me. Send me everything you’ve got. Let me stand in the centre of the battlefield, shotty in one hand, assault rifle in the other and grenades taped to my nipples while you BRING IT ON!
That would be fun. To have burned through all your ammo, thousands of your dead foes at your feet, only your pistol left and fuck my ass there’re more enemies coming! You just have enough shots left to take them down and then you’re clear. Arm up and onto the next. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just want a massacre. That would be back to Chuck Norris. I still want to use skillz. Shot accuracy, target selection and the use of cover when need be, what I’m saying is, don’t just make the level the same but with the enemies like the year 11 jocks when you are the first year nerd.

I would cower. Superman would not.

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