It’s
another guest blog everyone. This time our new author goes by
Mikicface. So sit back, relax and bask in the strangely spelt world
he inhabits. It’s funny and that.
So
we all like to play videyogarmes once in a while (or all the time)
don’t we? They are totally awesome and fun and some look incredible
and it is ace. Even a huge portion of wimminz are doing it now, which
makes them totally hot. So what’s my problem then, I don’t hear
you ask, but the point of this blog is to tell you anyway so I will!
Well, as the title suggests, it’s the difficulty levels. They are
wrong. Stupid. Cunty if I may be so bold.
Now
difficultness is a very important part of videogames. If there is no
challenge, then it is not gaming, it is simply winning (like what
Chuck Norris would apparently do or whatever) and I for one don’t
wanna just walk through a game and see the end, I want to earn the
privilege. So this is why games have a certain level of challenge and
in theory, it works. If you are crappy bom bappy at games, pop it on
‘easy’ and you will go from blunder to ridiculous, uncoordinated
blunder until you win. Which you will do. Cos it’s easy. If you are
slightly better, the default ‘normal’ mode will suffice all up in
your face.
But
then dear o dear, then, you get me. A bit of an expert at games, but
not one of those ones who just want to rub their expertness in your
goddamn grill and preside in the perpetual greatdom, no. I am very
good but still want a challenge. To be tested. There are many like
me, and we put our games on ‘veteran’, ‘insane’ or simply,
‘you will not survive’ mode.
Pour
exampler, Halo. Love a bit of Halo, but the ‘legendary’ mode is
infuriating. I am supposed to be a super-incredible, bad-ass space
marine who is quicker, stronger, tougher and jump higherer than any
other. I am superman in an armoured suit. The Daddio if you will. Yet
on legendary mode, I am suddenly made of straw. I am a straw man with
a polystyrene helmet and some boots made of glass. Two hits and my
shield is all booboobooboobooboo, another two and my health is down
to the last red square. Im a pussy. The Masterqueef. Pathetic. And
this goes for most FPS titles. Call of Duty? You spend all day hiding
behind a wall until your health regenerates, then kill one dude
before going back to your plaster zion. Its shit.
Now
I have completed these games on those difficulty levels. I can do it,
but it wasn’t fun. Its what I would be like in an actual real life
war; a cowering simpleton who has a poo in his briefs. I don’t play
games to be me now do I? So why not just make more bad guys? Sure,
make them tougher, but don’t then make the player out of
marshmallows. I still wanna be superhuman and bad ass, so overwhelm
me. Send me everything you’ve got. Let me stand in the centre of
the battlefield, shotty in one hand, assault rifle in the other and
grenades taped to my nipples while you BRING IT ON!
That
would be fun. To have burned through all your ammo, thousands of your
dead foes at your feet, only your pistol left and fuck my ass
there’re more enemies coming! You just have enough shots left to
take them down and then you’re clear. Arm up and onto the next.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just want a massacre. That would be
back to Chuck Norris. I still want to use skillz. Shot accuracy,
target selection and the use of cover when need be, what I’m saying
is, don’t just make the level the same but with the enemies like
the year 11 jocks when you are the first year nerd.
I
would cower. Superman would not.
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