Currently
I am sat on a train on my way to London, so that I can attend the
Eurogamer Expo. I dislike trains. They run late, smell, get too hot,
allow more people on board than there are seats for and charge
horribly inflated prices for warm, floppy sandwiches. This train has
little television screens in the back of each headrest, so that if
you pay £1.75 you can watch not very good films or a selection of
shows that you’ve already seen. It seems like a good idea, but it
isn’t. I can’t imagine that the cost of these screens and the fee
for the license needed to broadcast the previously mentioned
entertainment aren’t included in ticket prices, and I don’t want
to pay more for a journey just because First Great Western have
decided I want to watch Spiderman 3.
Furthermore,
it seems to me that there are more important things to spend their
money on than pointless luxuries, like a watch or something, so that
I don’t have to sit in the rain for twenty minutes longer than I
should have to. If I don’t buy a ticket I get a fine, if the train
is late and I don’t get a seat I should get a discount. Or a free
floppy sandwich. Presumably it’s a distraction technique, I can
only imagine that the powers that be think me so stupid that I will
be placated by visual stimulation. Or that my attention span is so
short I won’t notice when – oh look some sheep.
I
don’t mind paying extra if I get a meal, a sparkling beverage or a
pointy stick to poke the fat, unpleasantly odoured man who invariably
sits by me, but I’m not happy about the little TV. It’s probably
a Government funded test programme designed to gauge how easily we as
a people are distracted by shiny drivel, so that they can roll it out
across the country in a bid to stop us complaining about stupid
things like rising Council Tax and unacceptable international
policies. I wouldn’t be surprised if next time I pay my phone bill
I’m personally thanked by Gary Barlow, or treated to a
complimentary copy of Heat magazine, because, hey, that’s what
people like isn’t it. Next time a group of work shy, luminous
jacketed apes dig up the road so that they can check the pipes are
still rubbish, they’ll most likely erect an al fresco cinema screen
and play ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ on a never ending loop.
Who doesn’t love SJP, eh? What man doesn’t want to be caricatured
and patronised by a skeletal horse-human hybrid. And when they come
to tell me the work is finished, I won’t know they’re there
because I will have super glued my ears shut and burnt out my eyes
with a red hot poker. That is the only option in those circumstances.
Anyway,
this is really just a filler post created to let you know that I’m
going to a gaming convention. Which means I’ll be playing lots of
games, trying out some new hardware and generally geeking out for the
next couple of days. Which almost makes sitting in this hellish metal
tube bearable. It is my intention to shoot some film while I’m
there, maybe even talk to some like minded people and industry folk,
so that I can do a lovely video post over the weekend. If you’re
not into computer games and Xboxes and Playstation Vita’s then you
should probably steer clear for a few days, and if you don’t even
know what a Playstation Vita is I’m surprised you’ve been able to
operate the machine needed to read this pointless ramble. Google it.
Go on, Google it now. I’ll wait.
Looks
good, doesn’t it? Looks expensive and fun. Distracting,
technological gadgetry that could really take the edge of that
constant, bubbling urge to kill. If they don’t provide one of those
beauties on the train next year I shall complain. Or quietly grumble
to myself. Whatever. See you in a day or so.
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