This Post Is Of Absolutely No Substance.

Currently I am sat on a train on my way to London, so that I can attend the Eurogamer Expo. I dislike trains. They run late, smell, get too hot, allow more people on board than there are seats for and charge horribly inflated prices for warm, floppy sandwiches. This train has little television screens in the back of each headrest, so that if you pay £1.75 you can watch not very good films or a selection of shows that you’ve already seen. It seems like a good idea, but it isn’t. I can’t imagine that the cost of these screens and the fee for the license needed to broadcast the previously mentioned entertainment aren’t included in ticket prices, and I don’t want to pay more for a journey just because First Great Western have decided I want to watch Spiderman 3.

Furthermore, it seems to me that there are more important things to spend their money on than pointless luxuries, like a watch or something, so that I don’t have to sit in the rain for twenty minutes longer than I should have to. If I don’t buy a ticket I get a fine, if the train is late and I don’t get a seat I should get a discount. Or a free floppy sandwich. Presumably it’s a distraction technique, I can only imagine that the powers that be think me so stupid that I will be placated by visual stimulation. Or that my attention span is so short I won’t notice when – oh look some sheep.

I don’t mind paying extra if I get a meal, a sparkling beverage or a pointy stick to poke the fat, unpleasantly odoured man who invariably sits by me, but I’m not happy about the little TV. It’s probably a Government funded test programme designed to gauge how easily we as a people are distracted by shiny drivel, so that they can roll it out across the country in a bid to stop us complaining about stupid things like rising Council Tax and unacceptable international policies. I wouldn’t be surprised if next time I pay my phone bill I’m personally thanked by Gary Barlow, or treated to a complimentary copy of Heat magazine, because, hey, that’s what people like isn’t it. Next time a group of work shy, luminous jacketed apes dig up the road so that they can check the pipes are still rubbish, they’ll most likely erect an al fresco cinema screen and play ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ on a never ending loop. Who doesn’t love SJP, eh? What man doesn’t want to be caricatured and patronised by a skeletal horse-human hybrid. And when they come to tell me the work is finished, I won’t know they’re there because I will have super glued my ears shut and burnt out my eyes with a red hot poker. That is the only option in those circumstances.

Anyway, this is really just a filler post created to let you know that I’m going to a gaming convention. Which means I’ll be playing lots of games, trying out some new hardware and generally geeking out for the next couple of days. Which almost makes sitting in this hellish metal tube bearable. It is my intention to shoot some film while I’m there, maybe even talk to some like minded people and industry folk, so that I can do a lovely video post over the weekend. If you’re not into computer games and Xboxes and Playstation Vita’s then you should probably steer clear for a few days, and if you don’t even know what a Playstation Vita is I’m surprised you’ve been able to operate the machine needed to read this pointless ramble. Google it. Go on, Google it now. I’ll wait.

Looks good, doesn’t it? Looks expensive and fun. Distracting, technological gadgetry that could really take the edge of that constant, bubbling urge to kill. If they don’t provide one of those beauties on the train next year I shall complain. Or quietly grumble to myself. Whatever. See you in a day or so.

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