New Most Stuff. Same Lonely Rambling. Also: Hi.

Almost two months. That’s how long it’s been since I last blogged, which is a long time. I’m sorry. It’s a miracle you’ve managed as well as you have, but you have so well done. I’m back now though, so everything’s going to be alright. We cool? Cool. I’ve moved house is the thing, see, and because of that I was left without the internet for a large period of time. I also chose to use this time to have a little mental cleanse, bash out some stand up ideas and, well, move house with the packing and the unpacking and the organising and stuff. Takes time all that, and I wasn’t really in a writing stuff regularly position, so i didn’t write any blogs at all. Consistency even through inconsistency. 
It gets dull though, not wittering on about junk on the internet. You can try doing it in real life but people keep interrupting with their own opinions, as if it was some sort of conversation, and that can get to be quite distracting. So I’m glad to be back here, hunched over my gently glowing keyboard, eating fruit pastilles, surveying the clean, spacious majesty of my new front room as I tip tap away. I don’t want to concern anyone, but I’m pretty content right now. I resist the urge to say happy because the sneering masses will wryly smile, raise an eyebrow and say something like, “Happy? You! Well now I’ve seen everything,” in such a way that suggests they know me, or could tell the difference between actually happy and plastered on positive survival. So yes, content.
A large part of that is the new surroundings. The storage space. The cleanliness and order. I can spread out and get on with shit here, and so can the spawn which is also good. A change of home, and in my case a sense of reclaimed independence after nearly a decade of depending, can in turn change a fundamental part of a person. Hindsight, introspection, over-analysis and a habit of writing down key events in agonising detail, combine when I finally come round in a new place, unpacked and unburdened. ‘S nice. I have also, finally, got a handle on my finances. Not a literal handle you understand, that would be silly, each individual piece of currency with its own handle. No. I’ve just sorted out what I can and can’t spend, gotten around to getting registered with internet banking, taken out a loan to consolidate my debt and stopped not thinking about it. Not bad for a thirty year old. Or shamefully late in the game, I can’t decide. Either way, these mundane, sensible, lovely developments have put me in a jolly old mood. I’ve got some good funny stuff down, an idea how to shape it, the beginnings of a script for a graphic novel and now that I have the internet, a way of spouting out my self indulgent tripe. I’m feeling well adjusted, happy with my decisions and my life: whole.
The thing about feeling all amazing is that it seems almost cruel not to share all that amazingness with someone else. Someone sexy. So, against my better judgement, I have recently allowed a colleague at work to virtually pimp me via the medium of internet dating. At least, I’ve been put on a dating site. Why the Hell not, I had thought, and though that sentiment is admirable, the answer is because the people on there will terrify you. By which I mean terrify me. By terrify, I mean disgust, and by disgust I mean ‘are hideous’, both physically and spiritually. I couldn’t just come out and say they were ugly straight up though, I’m not a monster. Anyway, I’ve been on the site for maybe a month now, and not only have I seen no one of any interest or possibly worth, but the only people who have shown an interest in me have been, to use the Internet Dating Code, bubbly. By which of course, I mean obese. 
Now, I’m not a particularly shallow man, certainly no more so than most other males – or females – and I’m also in no way under the impression that I am a particularly attractive man. I am thin though, and I’ve tricked some rather attractive ladies into spending extended periods of time with me before, so I’m not changing tastes now. I shall continue to punch above my weight and hold out for a lucky shot. It’s preferable to have to talk to people in the flesh world, I think, the sense of achievement seems more real, possibly because it’s harder to completely deceive on real life first impressions, and so any sustained meeting would require ones personality to be accepted. The internet is not known for its honesty. Well, the people I read about and subsequently looked at in photographs were a bunch of liars anyway.

So: New house, new contentment, new ISP, new most stuff really. Same old pathetic lonely ramblings and sporadically pointless posts. I have got ideas for actually good and interesting blogs, I just haven’t written them yet. Some of the subjects get me quite angry, so that’ll be entertaining. Videos too. Gonna be more of them. Might put up some songs as well. Site redesign. There’s stuff going down, is what I’m saying – dust is flying. Need to get a hoover. Yeah. Hello then, hope you’re okay. You look well, lost a bit of neck fat there, haircut, new top or something? No? Looking sharp regardless. Really just wanted to say I’m about again, so if you’re at a loose end or, y’know…. Yes, it is late. Probably could’ve waited until morning, yes. Yep, sorry. See you soon. Night.

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