Almost
two months. That’s how long it’s been since I last blogged, which
is a long time. I’m sorry. It’s a miracle you’ve managed as
well as you have, but you have so well done. I’m back now though,
so everything’s going to be alright. We cool? Cool. I’ve moved
house is the thing, see, and because of that I was left without the
internet for a large period of time. I also chose to use this time to
have a little mental cleanse, bash out some stand up ideas and, well,
move house with the packing and the unpacking and the organising and
stuff. Takes time all that, and I wasn’t really in a writing stuff
regularly position, so i didn’t write any blogs at all. Consistency
even through inconsistency.
It gets dull though, not wittering on
about junk on the internet. You can try doing it in real life but
people keep interrupting with their own opinions, as if it was some
sort of conversation, and that can get to be quite distracting. So
I’m glad to be back here, hunched over my gently glowing keyboard,
eating fruit pastilles, surveying the clean, spacious majesty of my
new front room as I tip tap away. I don’t want to concern anyone,
but I’m pretty content right now. I resist the urge to say happy
because the sneering masses will wryly smile, raise an eyebrow and
say something like, “Happy? You! Well now I’ve seen everything,”
in such a way that suggests they know me, or could tell the
difference between actually happy and plastered on positive survival.
So yes, content.
A
large part of that is the new surroundings. The storage space. The
cleanliness and order. I can spread out and get on with shit here,
and so can the spawn which is also good. A change of home, and in my
case a sense of reclaimed independence after nearly a decade of
depending, can in turn change a fundamental part of a person.
Hindsight, introspection, over-analysis and a habit of writing down
key events in agonising detail, combine when I finally come round in
a new place, unpacked and unburdened. ‘S nice. I have also,
finally, got a handle on my finances. Not a literal handle you
understand, that would be silly, each individual piece of currency
with its own handle. No. I’ve just sorted out what I can and can’t
spend, gotten around to getting registered with internet banking,
taken out a loan to consolidate my debt and stopped not thinking
about it. Not bad for a thirty year old. Or shamefully late in the
game, I can’t decide. Either way, these mundane, sensible, lovely
developments have put me in a jolly old mood. I’ve got some good
funny stuff down, an idea how to shape it, the beginnings of a script
for a graphic novel and now that I have the internet, a way of
spouting out my self indulgent tripe. I’m feeling well adjusted,
happy with my decisions and my life: whole.
The
thing about feeling all amazing is that it seems almost cruel not to
share all that amazingness with someone else. Someone sexy. So,
against my better judgement, I have recently allowed a colleague at
work to virtually pimp me via the medium of internet dating. At
least, I’ve been put on a dating site. Why the Hell not, I had
thought, and though that sentiment is admirable, the answer is
because the people on there will terrify you. By which I mean terrify
me. By terrify, I mean disgust, and by disgust I mean ‘are
hideous’, both physically and spiritually. I couldn’t just come
out and say they were ugly straight up though, I’m not a monster.
Anyway, I’ve been on the site for maybe a month now, and not only
have I seen no one of any interest or possibly worth, but the only
people who have shown an interest in me have been, to use the
Internet Dating Code, bubbly. By which of course, I mean obese.
Now,
I’m not a particularly shallow man, certainly no more so than most
other males – or females – and I’m also in no way under the
impression that I am a particularly attractive man. I am thin though,
and I’ve tricked some rather attractive ladies into spending
extended periods of time with me before, so I’m not changing tastes
now. I shall continue to punch above my weight and hold out for a
lucky shot. It’s preferable to have to talk to people in the flesh
world, I think, the sense of achievement seems more real, possibly
because it’s harder to completely deceive on real life first
impressions, and so any sustained meeting would require ones
personality to be accepted. The internet is not known for its
honesty. Well, the people I read about and subsequently looked at in
photographs were a bunch of liars anyway.
So:
New house, new contentment, new ISP, new most stuff really. Same old
pathetic lonely ramblings and sporadically pointless posts. I have
got ideas for actually good and interesting blogs, I just haven’t
written them yet. Some of the subjects get me quite angry, so that’ll
be entertaining. Videos too. Gonna be more of them. Might put up some
songs as well. Site redesign. There’s stuff going down, is what I’m
saying – dust is flying. Need to get a hoover. Yeah. Hello then,
hope you’re okay. You look well, lost a bit of neck fat there,
haircut, new top or something? No? Looking sharp regardless. Really
just wanted to say I’m about again, so if you’re at a loose end
or, y’know…. Yes, it is late. Probably could’ve waited until
morning, yes. Yep, sorry. See you soon. Night.
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