Is
it sexist to suggest that all women are hysterical shoe-aholics, or
that if you cut through any feminine bone it would read ‘weight
issues’ all the way through, like a stick of rock? I only ask
because apparently it’s totally ok to state that every man is
rubbish at remembering any anniversary, and that we’re all a bit
slow. These very sentiments were unveiled without the merest
suggestion of humour, by a real life lady person, as if it was a
known fact and so safe to broadcast. She also said that it was ok
that men forgot stuff because they’re rubbish, so woman were
expecting it. If you set the bar that low that’s where we shall aim
for, so maybe expect a little better of your dangly genitalled,
fellow people. If I’m honest I’d have to say that
generalisations, stereotypes and characterisations are not things
that I have a particular issue with. They can be a lot of fun or
incredibly hurtful, both of which have a time and place. However,
should you offer such an opinion one minute, only to appear disgusted
by a similar lumping together of woman kind the next, you will find
me most displeased.
It
is not alright to be surprised when you hear that I am not interested
in football, and then tut when I suggest that you are an excellent
cook who is completely unable to reverse park. It displays a glaring
character flaw to need to change undergarments after gazing upon a
stylish, black and white photo shoot of David Beckham, when only that
very morning you berated male acquaintances for lusting over the
pertness of Daisy From Lowestoft in The Sun. Particularly when Daisy
had such interesting things to say about the current state of affairs
in Libya. In case you hadn’t noticed: you’re being a hypocrite.
I
am wary of getting tangled up in the subject of equality, but sod it,
in for a penny and all that. Firstly, in my opinion it is impossible
for things which are not the same to be equal. They can appear so,
but they are not. One thing will always be able to do somethings
better, and so will the other. This applies to individual people as
much as it does to groups. You might be able to lift that fridge, but
I can remember the words to every Blur song up to the album ’13’,
so who’s the real man here. With groups it becomes more difficult
because they are made up of individual people, but still each group
displays it’s own key strengths and weaknesses. Same with gender,
whether you like it or not. I am never going to give birth, breast
feed my child or be able to experience the strength of bond to my
offspring as that felt by a mother, and you are always going to
struggle to piss higher than me against a wall. That’s nature. It’s
just as important to remember what separates us as it is to fight to
be recognised for what doesn’t.
Obviously
there are some things that should be equal among all of us. Pay.
Living conditions. Access to at least basic broadband. Food. There
are others but you get the idea. This notion that somehow we are all
the same is fundamentally incorrect, make a list and the similarities
are dwarfed by the humongous differences. Put a picture of a naked
man by a picture of a naked woman and you have got the worlds easiest
Spot the Difference, you’d run out of ink circling them all. And
then get distracted by the nakedness and fold the paper in half so
the man was on the woman, and then start make smooching noises. Yes
you would.
I
think I mostly blame adverts. They told us women stayed at home and
Shake-n-Vac’d as they waited for their cakes to rise, while their
husbands went off to work. Then they changed direction and decided
that men were pretty thick, directionless, boob warmers in waiting,
who say stupid things whilst drinking beer, while women became
powerful, confident go-getters, in charge of their destiny and their
man. Really, all the newer ads are saying is that because you want to
vanquish your male oppressors so badly, you’ll probably buy any old
shit if we say men suck, and that men can be sold everything from
cars to peanuts through the cunning implementation of breasts. It’s
the heady mix of power and sex but before they got mixed. The promise
of power is alluring to anyone, but particularly those who feel hard
done by, and sex is nice too. Basically, in trying to make you want
to buy their deodorant or perfume, they have made you want to think
you are the advert. Power and mystery for the lady, and a buxom young
wench for sir. There’s almost certainly more truth to that then
there should be and perhaps explains the increasing social acceptance
of Lap dancing clubs, though personally I don’t understand the
appeal in paying to be sexually stimulated, unfulfilled and
disappointed in yourself. You can achieve that by buying a new 50
inch, Sony Bravia Hologram television to watch Hollyoaks.
Being
misogynistic is a bad thing, I feel I should point that out now, just
incase I am being misunderstood. I am no male, chauvinist pig. Male,
yes. Pig, sometimes, yes. But I am under no illusion that in terms of
gender I got lucky. Apart from the childbirth – you can keep that.
No, I think it’s much more sensible to concentrate on the
differences between us at an individual level and use that
understanding to see the hilarity in tarring all with one brush.
Especially if it’s literally a tarred brush. Why is it considered
worse to hit a woman than a man? That seems wrong. If asked, I would
say that the likelihood of me striking him is as high as if it were
her. It’s pretty bloody low however you look at it, because I’m a
coward, but hopefully you understand what I’m saying. Why does the
gender come into how alright it’s considered to hit someone?
So,
yes, we’re different. Doesn’t matter. Whatever. In fact fine,
we’re all the same. Not important. Of no consequence. Either way,
you can’t happily pigeon hole them over there and be outraged when
them over there do the same to you. You can’t expect us to watch
what we say while you verbally rip us to pieces. That’s the sort of
thing a massive prick might do and you wouldn’t want to be mistaken
for one of those, would you?
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