So
I’ve been spending my spare time writing my show, hence the not
doing any blogs for a month. Many an hour has been spent at the
keyboard, working out how to make my many failed relationships, and
the abundance of deeply engrained loneliness, seem amusing.
Actually, it turns out that if you’re not me, my eternal,
unfulfilled search for a soulmate is funny without any work at all,
but I feel it should be at least slightly entertaining to me too, as
I’m the one who’s going to have to tell it to strangers.
Anyway,
the problem with spending many an hour making words appear on a
computer screen, is that the computer is – more often than not –
connected to the Internet. It’s handy if you’re looking to
post a blog, because without the Internet no one gets to see it but
you, and then it’s not really a blog, it’s more of a diary, but
you see the Internet can also be quite distracting. Yep. I
know, not everyone’s aware of that, but it’s true. Sometimes
it’s so distracting I forget to complete whole sente
The
main offender is comment sections on websites. Groups of people
with a wonderful array of incorrect opinions, pointing out to
everyone else just how wrong their opinions are, while all the time
remaining completely oblivious to their own not rightness. Not
me though. Nope. Not me. Because I seem to be the only
correct person on all the Internets. Unlikely, but true. As
you can imagine, setting right the web surfing public at large takes
an incredible amount of dedication and effort, not to mention time.
Time that should be spent making the depressing certainty of my
demise alone seem pretty fucking hilarious. The thread of
inaccurate spewing is always the same, and the general structure is
thus:
Anonymouse: Having
watched Spice Girls The Movie more than seven hundred and fifty
times, it is clear to me that, just like Kubrick’s The Shining, the
film is loaded with deep intellectual meaning and solidly disproves
the moon landings whilst also being a multi layered social commentary
and rollocking good fun.
Ignoramuskateer: I
think you’ll find on your seven hundred and fifty first viewing
that on your first viewing you should have caved your head in with
the claw end of a claw hammer.
Anonymouse: Clearly
you haven’t watched the piece, otherwise you would find it
impossible to argue that Richard E. Grants performance was a thinly
veiled metaphor for the diminishing representation of the church in
an increasingly God-less society. Plus the girls wear some
really quite short skirts throughout.
PostmanTwat: “you
should have caved your head in with a claw hammer” – This is
hilarious. Hahahahahaha
Ignoramuskateer: @Ignoramuskateer
I have hacked into the Google and now have your address. Soon
you shall end.
Admin: This
thread is for comments related to the article on conflict in the
Middle East above. Please grow up.
One
apparently a human will state something quite poorly thought out,
this will be attacked by another meant to be a real person with an
over zealous ferocity, forcing the first half wit to defend their
idiocy with a never before attained level of conviction. Then
the violence. Then the team forming. Then Godwins Law.
You know how sometimes there’s the ‘this comment has been
removed because it breaches the sites guidelines’ message? Well
I do wonder if a better solution would be a ‘this commentator has
been removed because they were found to breach the planets
guidelines’ message.
If
I’m honest I rarely post myself, not because I don’t always have
something to say, because I do. Oh Lordy, I really, really do. It’s
just that I find other peoples poorly formed, illogical, wet piece of
cake beliefs to be hypnotic. Like watching someone you dislike
intensely perform a sliding tackle on a rain slicked playing field
causing them to glide effortlessly into the side of the sports
equipment shed breaking both their legs, it is impossible to look
away. And you can’t stop grinning. It’s not getting
stuff done though, and I do want to get stuff done, otherwise it will
remain forever undone and that would be absolutely dreadful. So
please, stop posting things that are wrong, it inflates my already
over inflated sense of smug superiority, I find it too amusing, and
it’s distracting me from the constant mirth factory that is my
trudging singledom. I may not agree with you, I’ll fight to
the death to defend your right to say it – well, close to death, or
at least up to and including a nasty scratch – but I would also
prefer it if in most cases you didn’t put your nonsensical
ramblings on a public forum. Vet your self. Comment is free,
yes, but so is silence, and that’s golden.
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