Comment IS Free, But Most Free Stuff Is Shit.

So I’ve been spending my spare time writing my show, hence the not doing any blogs for a month. Many an hour has been spent at the keyboard, working out how to make my many failed relationships, and the abundance of deeply engrained loneliness, seem amusing.  Actually, it turns out that if you’re not me, my eternal, unfulfilled search for a soulmate is funny without any work at all, but I feel it should be at least slightly entertaining to me too, as I’m the one who’s going to have to tell it to strangers.  

Anyway, the problem with spending many an hour making words appear on a computer screen, is that the computer is – more often than not – connected to the Internet.  It’s handy if you’re looking to post a blog, because without the Internet no one gets to see it but you, and then it’s not really a blog, it’s more of a diary, but you see the Internet can also be quite distracting.  Yep.  I know, not everyone’s aware of that, but it’s true.  Sometimes it’s so distracting I forget to complete whole sente

The main offender is comment sections on websites.  Groups of people with a wonderful array of incorrect opinions, pointing out to everyone else just how wrong their opinions are, while all the time remaining completely oblivious to their own not rightness.  Not me though.  Nope.  Not me. Because I seem to be the only correct person on all the Internets.  Unlikely, but true.  As you can imagine, setting right the web surfing public at large takes an incredible amount of dedication and effort, not to mention time.  Time that should be spent making the depressing certainty of my demise alone seem pretty fucking hilarious.  The thread of inaccurate spewing is always the same, and the general structure is thus:

Anonymouse: Having watched Spice Girls The Movie more than seven hundred and fifty times, it is clear to me that, just like Kubrick’s The Shining, the film is loaded with deep intellectual meaning and solidly disproves the moon landings whilst also being a multi layered social commentary and rollocking good fun.

Ignoramuskateer: I think you’ll find on your seven hundred and fifty first viewing that on your first viewing you should have caved your head in with the claw end of a claw hammer.

Anonymouse: Clearly you haven’t watched the piece, otherwise you would find it impossible to argue that Richard E. Grants performance was a thinly veiled metaphor for the diminishing representation of the church in an increasingly God-less society.  Plus the girls wear some really quite short skirts throughout.

PostmanTwat: “you should have caved your head in with a claw hammer” – This is hilarious.  Hahahahahaha

Ignoramuskateer: @Ignoramuskateer I have hacked into the Google and now have your address.  Soon you shall end.

Admin: This thread is for comments related to the article on conflict in the Middle East above.  Please grow up.

One apparently a human will state something quite poorly thought out, this will be attacked by another meant to be a real person with an over zealous ferocity, forcing the first half wit to defend their idiocy with a never before attained level of conviction.  Then the violence.  Then the team forming.  Then Godwins Law.  You know how sometimes there’s the ‘this comment has been removed because it breaches the sites guidelines’ message?  Well I do wonder if a better solution would be a ‘this commentator has been removed because they were found to breach the planets guidelines’ message.

If I’m honest I rarely post myself, not because I don’t always have something to say, because I do. Oh Lordy, I really, really do.  It’s just that I find other peoples poorly formed, illogical, wet piece of cake beliefs to be hypnotic.  Like watching someone you dislike intensely perform a sliding tackle on a rain slicked playing field causing them to glide effortlessly into the side of the sports equipment shed breaking both their legs, it is impossible to look away.  And you can’t stop grinning.  It’s not getting stuff done though, and I do want to get stuff done, otherwise it will remain forever undone and that would be absolutely dreadful.  So please, stop posting things that are wrong, it inflates my already over inflated sense of smug superiority, I find it too amusing, and it’s distracting me from the constant mirth factory that is my trudging singledom.  I may not agree with you, I’ll fight to the death to defend your right to say it – well, close to death, or at least up to and including a nasty scratch – but I would also prefer it if in most cases you didn’t put your nonsensical ramblings on a public forum.  Vet your self.  Comment is free, yes, but so is silence, and that’s golden.